February 27, 2009 at 12:40 pm | Posted in Jonny R Goode | Leave a comment

A pencil is a long, thin writing implement used to write 19th-century Russian novels or radical political tracts.  Some visual artists also use pencils, notating down their ideas in a strange and ungainly language called “pictures,” wherein an image of a head, for instance, is used to denote a head, an image of bread for bread, and so on. This language has its limitations, however, in that only things that rhyme with head apparently can be written down, or “drawn,” in pictures.  As my name is ‘Ned,’ this isn’t really a problem.  But my brother’s name is Charlie, and he has a dogYou can start to get a feel for the headaches this causes.  We’ll stick with English, thank you very much.  Pencils have other, more violent uses as well.  For example, when the “picture” lobbyists come around my house with their colorful Red pamphlets of beds and sleds, I often threaten to use a pencil to stab them in the eye.  They look at me blankly.  I then indicate that lead will be put into their head. This works – immediately they move off my property.  When the police vans come, with their wildly blinking lights, I smile at the boys in blue and thank my good fortune for being able to express what exactly is happening to me in my wonderful English language.  I then use a pencil to write down my memoirs as I sit in prison.  This is Chapter 1. Chapter 2 will be entitled “Using a Pencil As A Shank.” – Jonny R Goode

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