June 20, 2014 at 1:11 pm | Posted in Nadejda Naivenko | Leave a comment

CrimeaPeople keep askin’ me ‘cause I’m Russian what I think ‘bout Crimea, but what do I know from Crimea? I’m not Ukrainian and I’m not even really Russian. I was born in the United States. All I know is it’s some stupid peninsula. Nobody wants to go there. If I want to go to a peninsula I’ll go to Florida. So Russia says that Crimea is theirs and Ukraine says that Crimea is theirs. Who cares?  It’s the same stupid place. It’s like two dogs fightin’ over which one gets to eat the cat poop. If people in Crimea don’t want to be in Russia and want to stay in Ukraine, they finally have an excuse to leave that crappy turd hangin’ into the Black Sea. They can go to the real Ukraine or maybe now they can go someplace better than Ukraine or Russia like almost everywhere else in Europe except Moldova and Belarus. And the people in Crimea that wanted to be in Russia; now they have their dream come true. They’re in Russia—the crappiest part of Russia, but Russia. I hope they also like bein’ arrrested, ‘cause they prob’ly will be soon, ‘specially if they start havin’ some pussy riots. Just imagine what a shit place Crimea’s gotta’ be? They think that short bald man-boobs guy, Vladimir Putin, is some kinda’ magic leprechaun that’s gonna’ fix up their dumpy little mistake on the Sea of Azov and make it some sorta’ poor man’s Atlantic City, except with more public urination and that’s an improvement. Guess what? Not gonna’ happen. Best case scenario, it gets to the point where it’s just as terrible as the rest of Russia instead of worse. There’s a reason my family had to get a visa to come to America. If Russians didn’t need a visa to come here, there’d be no one left there except a topless Putin ridin’ a horse. F Crimea. –Nadejda Naivenko

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