January 27, 2010 at 2:17 pm | Posted in The Knave | Leave a comment

The story of Buildar, the Intergalactic Destroyer middles on the planet Earth in a city where three buildings were separated by two streets.  The building on the left was named Gwen and was considered very pretty by other buildings.  The building on the right was named Thomas and was strong and erect, proud to be a building and not ashamed of flaunting it.  The street that divided Thomas from Gwen dead ended on a second street, across which was a third building.  This building was originally named Sigmund, but insisted that everyone call it Buildar, The Intergalactic Destroyer. 

All day and night, Buildar would roar about how he would either destroy or mate with every building in his view.  He would shout things such as: “I am Buildar and I shall mate with you Gwen, for among Buildings, I am a Built” or “Beware my wrath, Thomas, for my mighty beams will tear through your puny stories like a wrecking ball through a house of cards” and this very much irked all of the surrounding buildings, but most of all Thomas and Gwen. 

For the first twenty or thirty years, they had tried to point out the idiocy of these claims.  Thomas would say: “Listen Sigmund, Buildar is a stupid name and there is no way you can hurt any of my stories with your beams, because you are a building and cannot move.”   Gwen would say: “Sigmund, or Buildar if you would prefer, buildings don’t mate and if they did, I would hardly pick you over the other buildings in the city.”  To this Buildar would simply reply with a list of the many buildings he had mated with or destroyed.  Eventually, Thomas and Gwen learned to appease Sigmund.  Gwen would bat her windows and say how much she wished Buildar, the Intergalactic Destroyer, would rock her world like an earthquake and Thomas would cower from Sigmund as much as it was possible for a building to cower and he would beg for Buildar’s mercy.  This resulted in a smug satisfaction in Buildar that would at least keep him quiet for a while. 

Sigmund was quite surprised, however when a building-shaped alien descended on the intersection between the three of them.  It cried out, “Who is it that claims the name ‘Buildar, The Intergalactic Destroyer’, for I am Buildar?” 

“That’s him over there,” said Thomas, “He’s always claiming he is going to destroy me.” 

“Yeah,” said Gwen, “and he always says he’s going to mate with me.  His real name is Sigmund.”

 “Well, Sigmund, is this true, have you made these claims?” 

Sigmund was nervous, but his own pride was too great for him to back down.  “Yes, I made these promises to Thomas and Gwen.  I will destroy him and mate with her when the time is right, for I am Buildar, the Intergalactic Destroyer.” 

At this, building-shaped alien was enraged.  He leaped high into the air and came down on top of Sigmund, destroying him and replacing him as the building across the street from Thomas and Gwen.  He roared, “When the time is right, I shall mate with you Gwen, and you, Thomas, had best be wary, lest I destroy you as I have destroyed the imposter, Sigmund, for I am Buildar, the Intergalactic Destroyer.” 

Gwen complained that the new building was just as loud and obnoxious as the previous one had been, but Thomas pointed out, “At least this one is the real Buildar.” – The Knave

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