Blanchett, Cate

January 14, 2009 at 2:12 pm | Posted in Matty Fatty | 1 Comment
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Cate Blanchett is the butt of a joke cracked by the wacky comic actor Tracy Morgan at the 2009 Golden Globes. As he accepted the medal for Best Television Emmission: Comedy, Musical or Edutainment Spectacular for his program “300 Rock,” he goodheartedly informed viewers that he was the face of post-racial America, then added, “Deal with it, Cate Blanchett.” It got the biggest laugh of the ceremony, even though no one watching knew what a Cate Blanchett was. This, despite Cate Blanchett being one of the main actors in what was then the number three movie in America (“The Incurious and Incurioser Case Against Benjamin Boring”) as well as one of the previous year’s biggest filmic moneymakers (“Eerie, Indiana Jones and the Benighted Search for the Cauldron of the Kingdom of the Empire of the Crystal Meth Skulls and Cross Bones II: The Quickening: The Condemned Theme Park Ride is Now the Movie That Cost the Same as the Gross National Debt and Could Have Averted America’s Economic Apocalypse Had the Producers Spent Their Money on a Bailout Rather Than Making a Bloated Fourquel and So Tally Ho Great Depression 2.0: Now in 8-D and Quintrophonic Sound!”) An actress raised on the same Australian farm where were grown such Hollywood imports as Nicole Kidman, Mel Gibson, Russell Crowe, Naomi Watts, Bryan Brown and Brendan Gleeson, Cate Blanchett has been in countless high-profile motion pictures. Among these are “The Life Quacktic With Stephen Jay Gould,” “Elizabeth 3: No, We Will Not Stop Moving the Bloody Camera,” “Oscar & Lucinda & Marley & Me & Emerson & Lake & Palmer & Vanzetti & Everyone We Know,” “Epic Movie” and “I Am There: Aren’t We All Like Bob Dylan When You Really Think About It?,” in which it played Emperor Nero in triple drag. It has won 92 acting Oscars, 483 Emmys, 38 Pulitzers and half of a Golden Globe and once acted on Broadway in nine different productions at the same time, all without the use of magic or trick photography. It stands at a near-constant height of 8’8 and, with its absolutely perfectly clean face, has been the face of Chanel, Ralph Lauren, Maybeline, Manolo and Nascar. In its career Cate Blanchett has also cured botulism and Iraq, invented toilet paper, proved the existence of god (it was Islam), and has the ability to change into a giant porcupine that shoots its quills like weapons. Perhaps one day Cate Blanchett will break through into the greater zeitgeist. Matty Fatty

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