January 13, 2009 at 4:58 pm | Posted in Matty Fatty | 5 Comments

Airplanes are a form of transportation that transport someone from one part of the globe to a far-off other. They’re a fast way to travel. But not the fastest. The fastest way to travel is, unfortunately, classified. But few would complain about the speed with which airplanes transport travelers, which is faster than bikes or horses or boats or trains or most cars. However, few (or more) would complain about almost every other aspect of airplane travel. That’s because airplane travel is a miserable, exhausting, uncomfortable and soul-deadening experience, with high volumes of delays, cancellations and other inconveniences you wouldn’t put up with with other forms of transportation. Ever get a good night’s sleep on a plane? Oh, I’m sorry, that was a trick question. No one has ever gotten a good night’s sleep on a plane. This one time I waited an hour after we landed at my destination’s airport to disembark, all because “no terminal was open.” All people involved in any form whatsoever of the airplane industry are jerks. But I digress. Airplanes were invented by Southern hayseeds, although the first form of human air travel was invented by the inventor Daedalus, who some will tell you was just a myth, and a Greek one at that. Pay no mind. He was real. The future will dump airplanes on the dustbin of history’s forms of mass transportation – along with the Kalamazoo, the Flinstones car and the inter-dimensional flying telephone booth – as soon as teleportation and mind travel, the latter which will be employed with the spice that grows on the desert planet Arrakis, become commonplace. Something to look forward to. Matty Fatty

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