Taint Conditioner

June 26, 2014 at 12:08 pm | Posted in The Knave | Leave a comment

Taint CondtitionerIn 1967, a man name Geeves Dunkirk was driving along in his automobile on a hot day. Traffic was stop and go. The sun was shining down through his windshield. He had the air conditioner on and was keeping somewhat cool, but not everywhere. Between his thighs and under his manhood, his bonch was still sweaty with duck butter. Try as he might, even with the fan at maximum, he could not angle the vents in such a way as to cool the real estate before his butt and below his balls. Perhaps he could have managed it were he on the passenger side, but as the driver with the steering wheel blocking the air flow, his gouch was becoming swampy. Several solutions occurred to him. Maybe he could wear a kilt. With his skirt hiked up and nothing underneath, the trickle of air that reached his grunskin might be enough to keep him dry and refreshed. Unfortunately, the child in the bus stopped next to him who was looking down into his car got him to worrying about arrest for indecent exposure. How would he keep his bifkin at a reasonable temperature? The next day he tried using an ice pack. At first it felt good. Then he was freezing his balls off. Eventually he was sitting in a puddle. His grundle was soaked and rapidly warming. He knew there must be a better alternative. On the following day, he shoved a bunch of paper towels down his pants and packed them near his gooch. That worked until the towels began to become saturated. They also insulated his perineum from the coolness of the car, worsening matters. Finally it came to him. He could keep his nifkin dry. It was a simple invention. He just needed to fasten a hose to one of the vents and run it to his durf. The path of least resistance was into his down-zipped fly. However, looking at himself with a giant hose sticking out of his pants made him wonder how he would explain this to a cop were he ever to be pulled over. Although more circuitous, the best path to his barse was down to the floor and up the left pant leg. It worked like a charm and the taint conditioner was born. So if you’re driving along the highway sweating your balls off and the guy in the car next to you looks cool and comfortable, ask yourself why you don’t have a taint conditioner too! ––The Knave

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