Normalibin

December 16, 2013 at 9:28 am | Posted in J. Frederick | Leave a comment
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normalibinA woman lies on a couch, sobbing softly into a bowl of gelatin. A man does a dance that makes no sense in a garden behind a nonexistent shoe store. Ten children, ranging in ages from 7 through 11, sing Christmas carols in a cave in a ravine. What do they have in common? They all suffer from Really Weird Syndrome, making them do odd things and preventing them from reaching their full potential. Don’t be one of them. Don’t let a life of rational sanity pass you by. Talk to your doctor today about Normalibin. (Normalibin is not intended for use by pregnant or breastfeeding women, female children, adult women, men, boys, or young women. Do not take Normalibin if you are susceptible to bleeding when cutting your skin, wearing clothes, or operating heavy or light machinery or machinery of any size or function. Go to an emergency room immediately if you experience sweating, horrifying nightmares, mild perspiration, thoughts of suicide, tingling in the fingertips, disturbing dreams, or night sweats, as these may be signs of having taken Normalibin. Ask your doctor if you are healthy enough for sexual activity, bearing in mind that sex while on Normalibin is incredible – it feels like rising up, up, through the clouds, through another plane beyond consciousness, to a beautiful city on the moon filled with light and joy, an indescribable satiation leaving you wanting nothing ever again, but needing everything. So much to taste, to touch – melding with another soul in a way you never supposed was conceivable. Do not take Normalibin if you find yourself sobbing softly into a bowl of gelatin, as this side effect is exactly one of the things you started taking the stuff to prevent. Similarly, cease taking Normalibin if you envision a vast room of unfriendly faces demanding that you solve their jigsaw puzzles, none of which connect or can be completed. Or if the sun explodes through your kitchen wall and swallows you whole; or if the dog takes over your home at knifepoint; or if the bed is trolley car stablehand, or if the shoes fit finer stuffing overland clamshell stork. Or if after months of travel you reach your destination – an endless beach, desolate and rocky, the surf pounding on stone and sand, a colossal rock looming to the north but you can never reach it, gulls circling, calling, taunting, leering; you pick up shells but they tell you nothing, a face peers at you from somewhere but is gone in an instant, the surf, the waves, and always the waves, the maddening waves crashing, over and over, as they always will and always have for a thousand aeons, over and over, ceaseless, until long after you are dead, and the gulls keep calling. The rock, so close, if only you could reach the rock. You think back to a meadow in the sunlight, before the wolves came. None of these things are good and all of them are what Normalibin is like.) Talk to your doctor today – he loves you and misses you. – J Frederick

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