Mumblety Peg

June 21, 2013 at 12:23 pm | Posted in Juan D. Tenti | Leave a comment
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MPToday at school, I got kicked out of school for playing a cool new game called Mumblety Peg. All the kids are playing it. At recess, me and my friend, Bucky, from Scouts, who used to not be in Scouts for some reason (the Scout Master said he was caught trying to earn a merit badge in being queer whatever that means, because there’s no such badge and if there were such a badge trying to earn it would be a good thing and not mean you couldn’t be a Scout), but now he’s back (I guess queer badges are okay now, but I still don’t see them in the manual. I asked my dad if I could earn a merit badge in being queer like Bucky and my dad bought me subscriptions to Maxim and FHM magazines instead and said he wants me to earn a badge in being a Bro instead, which also isn’t in the book, but the magazines have many pretty pictures that make me feel tingly.) I don’t understand what the big deal is about playing Mumblety Peg. It’s just a game. The teachers in school never want us to have any fun. The worst is the stinky vice principle who always has powdered sugar in his beard. He’s fat and only eats jelly doughnuts and drinks hot chocolate. We call him the “twice principal”, because he is twice the size of our principal who is so fat he has to drive around the school in a little scooter. We don’t think the twice principal ever leaves his office. I think he was such a stupid fatso that they wanted to fire him and so he just got so fat that they can’t fire him anymore because the door to his office is too small for how fat he is.

 At least now that they kicked me out of school, I don’t have to see the stupid teachers and principals anymore and can play Mumblety Peg whenever I want. If you don’t know how to play, it is really easy. First you and your opponent take out your Scout knives, or any sharp knife, like from the kitchen when your mom isn’t looking. Then you take turns throwing your knife down into the ground, trying to get it as close to your feet as possible. Of course, if you are willing to throw the knife into your foot, you automatically win, or even if you do that on accident, but it’s no fun if someone does this on the first throw, which is why no one ever wants to play with Seven-Toes Sam. –Juan D. Tenti

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