Mona Lisa

December 10, 2012 at 11:21 am | Posted in J. Frederick | Leave a comment
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I’ve got nothing against the Mona Lisa; indeed, it’s a timeless masterpiece of awe-inspiring genius. But it needs to be destroyed. So I’m making the following offer to anyone reading this: get on a plane, fly to Paris, go to the Louvre, find the Mona Lisa, take it off the wall, and smash it over your knee. If you do this, I will give you thirty dollars. That’s right, I will personally hand you $30 if you go to where the world’s most iconic and beautifully enigmatic work of art hangs, brazenly step past the phalanx of security guards protecting it, and wantonly smash it beyond all hope of repair. Think of what you could do with thirty dollars! That’s like lunch for three days. For three straight days you could have a sandwich, chips, and a can of soda, totally on me. Maybe even stretch it to four days, if you skip the chips; that’s up to you. All you have to do is get past one of the most advanced security systems ever known, and in full view of thousands of horrified tourists, destroy arguably the most beloved and priceless work of artistic expression on the face of the Earth. What you need to ask yourself is simply this: How much is $30 worth to you? How badly do you want three, possibly four days’ worth of sandwiches? Simply spend hundreds of dollars on plane tickets, risk a lifetime of vilification as a monstrous lunatic, do what needs to be done (that is, the crude, seemingly random destruction of an irreplaceable monument to human accomplishment), and $30 will be yours. I recommend the Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki! -J. Frederick

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