December 5, 2012 at 10:36 am | Posted in Darth Trovert | Leave a comment

Being a father is pretty simple. Donate a little sperm to a lady and in less than a year, you’re a dad. This happened when Anakin Skywalker used his white-saber on Padmé Naberrie Amidala of Naboo. The father doesn’t even have to be around or know about the birth just like Darth Vader was not on the asteroid colony of Polis Massa when his twins were born at the start of the Great Jedi Purge. If there were competing donors, some testing may be required and a daytime talk show or mobile paternity van may be involved. Still, it’s a straightforward affair, although if there’s an affair, things may get more complicated. General Yusanis of Echani fathered a baby on Jedi Master Arren Kae and it caused her to be exiled from the Order, when it was discovered ten years later. The actual mechanics of how to get with a lady to become a father are beyond the scope of this article, but rest assured that the bulls-eying a Beggar’s Canyon womp rat in a T-16 Skyhopper is much more complex than a man piloting his meat T-65 X-wing Starfighter into the trench between a lady’s legs and giving her reactor core a chain reaction by launching a few million squirmy proton torpedoes into her thermal exhaust vent.

Another kind of father is the non-biological father. This person didn’t get to do the fun sperm plus lady part, but did volunteer to do some childrearing and assigned himself the title of “dad” and everyone involved agreed to go along with it. An example would be when Bail Organa and Queen Breha of Alderaan adopted Leia Organa Solo, literally making her daddy’s little princess. By contrast, Owen Lars, the step-uncle who raised Leia’s twin brother Luke Skywalker was simply addressed as “uncle” although he could just as easily have established himself as the boy’s father. –Darth Trovert

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