November 26, 2012 at 1:31 pm | Posted in Nadejda Naivenko | Leave a comment

Foreigners – I’m someone who knows a thing or two about foreigners, ‘cause my family and a lotta’ the people I know are foreigners, but I was born in America. Since I live with foreigners all day, I can understand why some people don’t like ‘em. First, they talk funny. I mean, how long has my mom been in this country and she still ain’t got no idea how to talk English good? Yesterday, she tells me, “Nadejda, I bring customer to house, yes? You go. Buy pizza. Be with friend. I call when can come home.” And of course she says it in this thick accent that I can barely understand and I’ve lived with her for eighteen years! But at least she tries. I know Russian, so we could just talk that at home, but we’re not in Russia, so we should speak American. Whenever I hear some foreigner usin’ other languages than English, I just tell ‘em to go back home if they don’t wanna’ simulate to this country. Real ‘Mericans speak English. Everyone else is a foreigner even if they got some piece of paper says they belong here, they don’t. If I ever decide to go to Russia, I’ll speak Russian, so I ain’t bein’ no hypocrite. All these people who speak Chinese and Mexican and Puerto Rican and Grecian and Muslim need go home if they don’t wanna’ speak the language of democracy, the Queen’s English. I got no beef with the foreigners who stay in their own countries. I’ll even let ‘em come for a visit, but if any of them decides to put down roots, they gotta’ get ‘emselves some English lessons or they’re always gonna’ be foreigners and I’m always gonna’ make fun of ‘em for talkin’ funny. They usually dress funny too. They need to take all their weird costumes and robes and funny hats and crap down to the thrift store and trade it for some real ‘Merican clothes like jeans and t-shirts or if they wanna’ be fancy, some cargo pants and polo shirts. So there you have it. Foreigners are people who dress funny, talk in weird other languages, or live in strange crappy countries where they don’t at least know they’re free. –Nadejda Naivenko

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