September 11, 2012 at 10:25 am | Posted in Nadejda Naivenko | Leave a comment

Narcotics are drugs that you use to feel better than you are now, but that you can’t get anyone to say you can have ‘em legally so you gotta’ hide ‘em from the coppers. Personally, I’m not much of a drug user. Sure, I get high. My friends call me Reefer or Reeferella, but that’s just marijuana, not a narcotic. Police’ll usually just say to get it out of public view unless some horny pig wants to get handsy and search your bra and panties. Anyways, it’s not a real drug. It’s just a gateway to hard drugs. Callin’ weed a drug is like callin’ your front door a house. Ganja is just medicine, like aspirin or Sudafed, but it treats how much life sucks. Boris, my mother’s boyfriend, snorts coke. My mother’s boyfriend’s girlfriend, Mary Jane, shoots heroin. Now, those’re narcotic-type drugs. Some people talk about food addition like sugar and fat’re drugs. My father weighs 800 pounds, but he says he could quit eatin’ anytime, so he’s not addicted. He is addicted to bein’ a fat ass, but that doesn’t mean food’s a drug. He’s just what Father Mike says is a glutton. Alcohol’s a drug, I think, but it’s no big deal, same as Xanax or Prozac. Father Mike invites me and my little brother, Vlad, over to the church all the time and lets us drink as much wine as we want. Vlad doesn’t like to go, but the church has a nice TV to watch while Vlad has his private sessions with the priest. Father Mike always has the set tuned to Nickelodeon which is a blast to watch plastered or I watch one of the priest’s Jonas Brothers DVDs. Anyways, when I’m talkin’ drugs, I’m talkin’ crystal meth, or acid, or E. ‘Shrooms aren’t really drugs either. They just help open your mind to the things old folks don’t want us to know about. ‘Shrooms and grass are basically like the vegetables of drugs. They’re healthy and good for you. The other day, me and my best girlfriend, Shelly the Weedskank, were trying to score some spliffs, but we didn’t have any money. I stole some of Boris’s coke and my dealer, Skeez, took it in trade. Weedskank paid by earning her nickname. Anyways, after Shelly swigged some mouthwash, we toked up and watched some meth-heads breakin’ into a car. See, crank’s a narcotic and tweakers’ll do some real criminal shit to score some crystal, so there’s a clear difference from pot.  –Nadejda Naivenko


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