August 9, 2012 at 12:50 pm | Posted in The Knave | Leave a comment

Va-va-voom is an oft misunderstood concept. Most commonly, it is confused with mere sex appeal. However, it is more than this. Most people feel perfectly comfortable describing someone as sexy, desirable, hot, DTF, etc., but it is a very specific type of woman that can cause a man to use a term as inherently ridiculous as “va-va-voom” to describe her. Men never have va-va-voom, because it is almost entirely dependent on having a great rack. The rack must be of a size that justifies referring to the bra containing it as an over-the-shoulder bolder holder. Yes, there must be some sort of foundation garment or similar structure built into a dress to lift up the big bouncy baby feeders.  Gravity is not kind to such gargantuan gazongas. Va-va-voom sags out of unsupported udders. Even with proper buttressing, some women suffer from va-va-gloom and give up the fight, which leads to breast-reduction surgery or, as male surgeons call it, va-va-doom. The E-cup endowments must be natural, because there is also a self-confidence component to va-va-voom. It relies on the woman having home-grown hooters, not fake funbags or bolt-on-bazoombas that any sunken chested skirt can buy with a bit of treasure.  Not all gigantic jubblies produce va-va-voom. The female the massive milk makers are mounted on should theoretically still maintain the ideal 3 to 2 boob-to-belly ratio, but truly enormous eye magnets may wean a man from such an idea. If you want to find some va-va-voom, check out your local meat market and make sure the top shelf is fully stacked.

P.S. It should go without saying, but the dame must, of course, be callipygian. –The Knave

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