Menyop

February 1, 2010 at 11:05 am | Posted in The Knave | Leave a comment
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           A menyop is a small white furry creature with neither legs nor arms.  It has no eyes, but does possess a keen sense of hearing and an extraordinary sense of smell. Menyops are able to contol the movement of every square inch of their body and are able to move by sucking in the front part of their spherical, foot diameter body and expanding the rear.

            At this moment in time, menyop fur is the most precious commodity in the whole of the galaxy.  There are several reasons for this:  1) No known dirt, or grime, or oil, or grease can attach itself to menyop fur.  A couple of good shakes and it will be silky clean.  They are basically Nature’s Sham-Wow.  2) The feel of their fur is the strongest of aphrodisiacs.  One stroke gets even the coldest ice queen’s juices a’bubblin’.  I.E. Nature’s Viagra.  3) The fur causes all who wear it to appear attractive to anyone who happens to catch a glance of one clad in the fur (although on many an occasion, the light of the next morning brings on a regretful transformation). Yes, Nature’s beer. 4)  It is well marketed.  The entrepreneur who originally found the creatures, realized their value, and bought their home world was not skimpy.  He went out and hired the best advertisers in the business. Advertisers are still abhorred by Nature, no matter how great menyop fur is.  Finally, 5) Menyops are the most vicious creatures ever encountered by humans.  Nature’s Tea Party Conservatives.

            Menyop hunting is an acquired art and it isn’t for the faint of heart.  At first glance, a menyop appears to be a cute little puffy ball of fluff.  If you believe this, beware!  This tribble’s got claws! Well, not really, but when its mouth opens, three rows of dagger sharp teeth are exposed, running in an almost complete circle equal to the circumference of its body.  Its largest muscle is the one that pulls its top and bottom jaws together.  Now if you think that by standing clear of it, you’ll be safe, you’re wrong!  They’re fast.  They can roll at speeds of more than one hundred kilometers an hour. 

            And you may think climbing a tree will save you.  Think again!  Menyops can jump seven meters, straight up in the air and catch you with open jaws.  So I’ll climb eight meters, you say.  Well then you’ve uttered your last words.  It’ll spring seven meters up, land on a branch and then jump again to effect your death.  Saw off that branch you say?  Well, these ain’t billiard balls. They can stack.  Menyops have seized babies from five story buildings by piling in tall columns of death-lust one on top of the other.

            You’ve made a wise choice not risking your life hunting these beasts, but remember as you escort supermodels in your Menyop-hide coat that your fancy garb was bought with the blood of many a fine man, woman and child.  You are wearing the most precious fur in the universe, so take pride in your purchase and thank you for visiting Menyop Emporium.

 Coming soon to Earth, Titan, and the Centauri Trinary! – The Knave

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