Health CareSeptember 29, 2009 at 3:39 pm | Posted in Da Ritzenator | 1 Comment
Tags: Health Care
Whoo-Ha! Come and play the fabulous but stressful game that every lucky working adult in America has been forced to play for decades!(*) Your life depends on it! When it is your turn (once a year before your employer’s fiscal year), all you have to do is guess what ailments and problems you’ll encounter in the upcoming year. It’s a fun game of chance mixed with real life gambling!
With your predictions in mind, you then refer to your game instruction manual, and if you can decipher the crazy mazes of “backtalk reading”, the puzzles of “circular wording,” and the daring leaps of faith you need to make with “context clue assumption,” you randomly lock yourself into what you think is the best plan for you. It’s exciting! But remember to check the fine print and be sure that the plan cost is not too much compared to your salary. Now the fun can begin!
As you roll the dice of reality, you advance along the board of live. You draw a new card every day, and along the way, you might encounter some problems you anticipated: like running out of prescriptions or having to visit the doctor for a check up (**). On some days, you might get happy cards, saying “You are healthy!” You may get mystery cards like “You are having a baby!” Or you might even encounter a bad monster card like “Your son discovered crack and now needs rehab!” Whether you were prepared for each event or not, you need to go back to the instruction manual to see if your plan will help you along the board or make you lose your turn. What a gamble! You’re all-in!
If your plan does not cover you, the warning alarm in your head will sound, the floor opens and you plummet into a hole of financial dept where you stay for years until you can dig yourself out. If your plan says it will cover you, then that’s great! But don’t celebrate too soon; you’re not out of the woods just yet.
Like every great game, there’s still a big twist to undertake before you clear the gauntlet. You must submit a medical report and all receipts to the game makers. They make the final coverage decision. With all their might, they spin the Yes/No Wheel of Justice. Be careful, there’s danger afoot! There are more NO spaces on the wheel than YES spaces, and there is really nothing you can do to sway the cruel wheel’s fate. A few weeks after submission, a golden envelope comes in the mail with the answer. You’re shaking with anticipation! You open the letter to reveal the final answer which the wheel has determined. What did YOU get??? Play the game of Health Care now! – Da Ritzenator
* Game may not work in other countries, such as Argentina, Austria, Australia, Belgium, Brazil, Canada, Chile, China, Cuba, Costa Rica, Cyprus, Denmark, Finland, France, Germany, Greece, Iceland, Ireland, Israel, Italy, Japan, Luxembourg, the Netherlands, New Zealand, Oman, Portugal, Russia, Saudi Arabia, Spain, Sweden, South Korea, Sri Lanka, Ukraine and the United Kingdom
**When visiting a doctor, please be sure to use pieces and expander packs that are made by and compatible with your plan, or you could forfeit everything in your bank!