ScienceJune 17, 2009 at 9:28 am | Posted in The Knave | Leave a comment
Science derives from an ancient Latin word, which roughly translates as “figuring shit out”. Here is a list of the sciences and their core questions:
Anthropology: How the fuck did people get to be so fucked up?
Archaeology: What happened to all the fuckers who used to live here?
Architecture: How can we make this city look like it has more giant cocks?
Astrology: Can we get these assholes to return and pay us to make up some more shit?
Astronomy: What the fuck’s up with them lights up there at night?
Biology: What the fuck did we just kill?
Botany: Can we smoke this shit?
Business: How can we steal from all these fuckers?
Cartography: Do we have to draw you a fuckin’ map?
Chemistry: What will happen if we mix this shit with that shit?
Criminology: Why’d you fucking do it, shit-for-brains?
Computer: How can we get these assholes to pay for upgrades they don’t need?
Demography: Just how many kinds of fuckers are there?
Dentistry: How do we fix that fuckin’ busted up grill?
Dermatology: Should we pop that fucker or wait and see what happens?
Ecology: Why does this fucker live in that shit?
Education: How do we teach shit to assholes that don’t know fuck-all?
Engineering: How do we do that easier and make everyone else look like asses?
Environment: What the fuck’s that smell?
Epistemology: How can we waste everyone’s fucking time?
Ethics: Who can we fuck and in what circumstances?
Evolution: How do we explain why we find monkeys so sexy?
Genetics: How do we improve God’s shitty first draft?
Geography: Where the fuck?
Geology: Where the fuck’s the gold?
Geometry: Is this a fuckin’ rhombus?
Gerontology: How can we keep these fuckers alive and milk their cash a little longer?
Health: What’s that fucking growth?
Information: How do we organize this shit?
Logic: Does this shit make sense?
Macroeconomics: Should we tax some motherfuckers or borrow from some assholes?
Management: How little can we pay these assholes before they stop fucking working?
Mathematics: How fucking many?
Medicine: What’s wrong with that fucker?
Microeconomics: How do we balance our fucking checkbooks?
Military: How can we kill all those fuckers?
Oceanography: What’s with all that fuckin’ water?
Paleontology: What the hell are all of these damn big bones doing in the ground?
Pathology: What’s fucking that asshole up?
Pediatrics: What’s wrong with that little fucker?
Philosophy: Why the fuck?
Physics: What will happen if we hit this shit with that shit?
Political: How can we fuck over all these shitheads?
Psychiatry: Why the fuck are people so fucked up in the melon?
Psychology: Why the fuck do people feel that way about their parents?
Quantum mechanics: Is it a fucking wave or is it a motherfucking particle?
Sanitation: Where should my shit go when I flush the toilet?
Seismology: What’s shakin’, motherfucker?
Sexology: How do we keep this awesome fucking job?
Sociology: How do we deal with all these fuckers?
Thanatology: Why did this asshole give up the ghost?
Toxicology: How much of this shit can a fucker take without dying?
Zoology: What would people like to see in a fucking cage?
– The Knave