April 27, 2009 at 2:14 pm | Posted in Da Ritzenator | Leave a comment

Pain is the body’s way of saying “stop it,” or “don’t do that again.” In the case of getting shot in the head with a rifle, the pain is insurmountable, and the body reacts by completely shutting down, also called dying. But dying is not the only result of pain. Lesser amounts of pain can be felt without death, like stubbing your toe, or sticking your tongue in an electrical outlet. In these instances, the body tells you that what you are doing or have done is bad by sending pain messages to exact locations. Now, the body is all-knowing, and can differentiate when things are good or bad for it. In the rare case that you may need to stick your tongue in an outlet, like when you have your heart stolen to be put into a century old Chinese man and only have an artificial heart that constantly needs recharging, then the all-knowing body won’t send out the pain message. Even after the body has seemingly painful things done to it, like being set on fire from electrocution and blown off a High Voltage power line, the grateful body will thank you by sending out a rewarding fit of laughter, rather than emitting a message of crippling pain.


Really, pain is exactly like a warning light on a car. When the little oil light is lit, then you know to put oil in. When you have a pain in your tooth, then you know to not eat on that side of your mouth. Simple solution. But sometime you don’t know why pain and/or warning lights are on. If this is the case, the best solution is to put a piece of tape over the light and not be bothered with it. Similarly, you can take drugs to make the pain go away and not be bothered with the body’s warning. But eventually, when the tape peels and you see the dashboard light again, you have to breakdown and take a car into the shop. Likewise, when the drugs loose their effectiveness and that nagging pain message returns, you see a doctor. In most cases, they look “under your hood,” analyze what they think is wrong, and agree that there is no reason for the pain message.  With that, they then give you stronger medicine (or a stickier piece of tape) which enables you to continue ignoring the body’s message. There is a catch. You have to be careful with how long you ignore the message, because whatever it is that the body is trying to warn you about might be serious. If it is very serious and goes unchecked for too long, your body might just die on you. Don’t say it didn’t warn you, though. Oh, that’s right, you can’t. You’re dead. – Da Ritzenator

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