April 16, 2009 at 10:04 am | Posted in The Knave | Leave a comment

As we move ever forward in a time when the callipygian ideal is prized throughout the land by every man, woman, and child, it is surprising how this word has been left behind.  It must suffer from a bum wrap to be pushed to the posterior as it has been, when it can be used for such beautiful ends. Just last week, I was walking in the countryside with my significant other.  There was an old house crafted with a surpassing artistry from its tall gables ornamented with elaborate hex signs, to its stained glass windows displaying biblical scenes, to its firm solid fundament.  Near the house was a donkey off its tether.  It was wandering around the yard and when we approached the animal, it lifted its head high and proud.  We could see that it was well groomed and freshly brushed, with a thick main, glossy coat, muscular legs, well-formed hindquarters, and a nice tail.  The door of the house opened and a kindly looking woman invited us into her house.   Her name was Fanny.  She said she was pleased to see us admiring her pulchritudinous ass.  We entered her home and she served us a red wine and some hot buns.  Soon thereafter, her husband, Nate, arrived home and introductions were made.  We expressed our appreciation for the tasty buns and what we had seen of his property in the front yard.  Nate stated that we hadn’t seen anything until we looked at his rear.  He was correct.  It was gorgeous.  There was a garden of at least a half of an acre.  On the left and the right were nicely rounded prominences with a brown dirt walkway splitting them.  With the encouragement of our hosts, we walked out among the colorful flowers and plants and along the path between the two hills.  Out of sight of the house was an area filled with several statues and un-worked pieces of marble. It appeared the artist was currently in the process of making a ship.  The bow was unfinished, but it had a finely sculpted stern.  We returned to the house to find the couple preparing a meal.  Fanny asked what cut of meat we would prefer and we both expressed our preference for a tender rump.  When we had eaten our supper, we adjourned to the living room and Nate told us that he and his wife had made all of the chairs.  He built the frames and she did the upholstery.  We let them know that they had very attractive seats.  Drinks were served and Fanny brought out her unique artwork.  She brought out canvases painted on both sides.  The front sides were abstract images and shapes, which perfectly complimented their remarkable backsides.  Images of fantastic lands filled with miraculous creatures all echoing those initial geometric forms, somehow completing them.  The stark front really made you appreciate the delightful behind.  Nate then decided to show us some of his sculptures.  Most were therianthropes with peaceful and serene top halves and wicked bottoms.  We had no art to display, so we told the couple a little about ourselves and then asked for their story.  Nate and Fanny said that they had moved to the country for the quiet.  Although some may prefer the smog and traffic of the city, they preferred the rustic sounds of nature and did not mind the livestock smells.  Aside from the art they made a living producing organic milk and both said there was nothing they liked better than sweet dairy air.  Finally, we all had come to the tail end of a memorable night.  As the couple saw us out the door, I noticed the donkey still in the yard and asked what its name was.  The woman said the animal’s name was the same as her husband’s and that there was nothing in this world she loved more than her handsome Nates.  In turn the man said that he loved his pretty Fanny.  Now I should give myself a great butt to the head, because I have totally failed to use the word callipygian (or even callipygous) myself in this whole story.   What a perfect arse! – The Knave

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