March 27, 2009 at 1:47 pm | Posted in Da Ritzenator | 1 Comment

Taxes are an arbitrary amount of money that you either pay into an envelope or get paid from an envelope once a year. Unless you choose direct deposit; but then you miss out on that colorful Monopoly money-looking government check. Typically, you or your dad gathers all these pieces of paper along with a calculator, and decides how much money you want from the government. You then work backwards to try and validate that amount. You do this by jotting numbers down on the worksheet at random places, adding or subtracting them at whim. The 2008 form features a brand new (and fun!)Sudoku option to compute your earnings and subsequent refund. When you fill in enough boxed and tally enough numbers, you are left with one the final figure. Memorizing that figure, you creek open Merlyn’s Big Bad Book of Numbers and determine what magical number your figure corresponds with (the book is condensed and replicated in the back of the IRS sponsored booklet). So if the bottom line of your Sudoku puzzle is 795831264, then Merlyn’s book will tell you that your magic number is 6421. This magic number is used to fill in the rest of the empty boxes on the tax form. If you get lost or confused at how to manipulate the form, you can use the line by line instruction guide, also featured in booklet. Trying to use it is tough. It is kinda like putting Ikea furniture together, but with horrifying words that make Gorn, Traby and Akurum sound comforting. Once everything is completed, you seal all the paperwork into the envelope using a drop of your own blood to verify your identity. In a matter of months, the envelope will contact you back with one of three answers. You either A. get the money you wanted back, B. were supposed to pay the envelope rather than have it pay you and are sentenced to your choice of jails with membership to exclusive golf courses or  C. get drawn and quartered for using the same number twice in the same row or box in your Sudoku tax refund puzzle. – Da Ritzenator


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  1. […] Taxes « Naive’s Guide To Everything in the World […]

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