February 25, 2009 at 3:10 pm | Posted in Jonny R Goode | Leave a comment

lionLions are ferocious cats that treat gazelles like balls of yarn, batting them around until they come undone.  The first time Man met Lion, Man yelped, Lion meowed, or “roared,” and the rest was history. Lions do not appear in the bible, but a tuft of lion hair is used as a bookmark in my copy.  Lion fur, or “scales,” is a hot commodity these days, having been seen in an Old Navy commercial.  Tigers are like Lions, but with stripes instead of “plain.”  Panthers are like Lions too, only black; some enterprising young radicals picked up on this concept and used it as the basis of their name: The Black Panthers. I’m not entirely sure what this group did, but based on some pictures I’ve seen I would imagine they were probably a band.  I would love to have seen the Black Panthers open for Tony Curtis at the Copacabana!  Lions have massive paws, massive maws, and massive “saws” (teeth)!  They also have massive jaws.  Lions are particularly known for their “cowardly” behavior.  Lions found to be lacking in courage are summarily put down.  Therefore, it is important for a Lion to put up a good front.  This is why you’ll often see Lions at an American football match, particularly in Detroit (Ed note: or near Mt. Nittany, Pa).  Don’t be fooled – when Lions go home to their dens, they pine over loves lost, crying Lion tears onto rough-hewn rocky floors.  Don’t touch it – Lion tears are acid.  Throughout pre-history, great legions of lions, stretching for thousands of miles in every direction, would plow weeping over the landscape, their tears eroding the land into the multitude of beautiful shapes we see today.  Such is the origin of the popular catchphrase: “Lions are glaciers.” – Jonny R Goode

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