The Chronic

February 23, 2009 at 10:16 am | Posted in Matty Fatty | Leave a comment

The Chronic is either one of the countless euphemisms for the organic herb marihuana, the title of the seminal country-bluegrass album by Doctor Louis Dre, D.D.S., or the name I have given to the tiny, snakelike alien parasite that has taken root in my liver. They all have one thing in common: they are all slowly killing me. Marihuana has caused in me, as it does everyone who uses it, leprocy, botulism, psoriasis, diorrhea, the common cold and St. Crispin’s Disease. And yet I cannot stop toking it, for I am, like so many, addicted. Likewise the album “The Chronic” subliminally plays messages that force one, against one’s will, to hurt one’s self with regular household items, regular household weapons (like guns, machetes and nucular weapons) and overly-self-critical thoughts that make one undermine one’s sense of one’s self-confidence. Play the Good Orthodontist’s “The Chronic” backwards and it’s more of the same, but also it has a good story with a positive message for the children. As for “The Chronic,” my little freeloading friend deep within the uncharted recesses of my body, he just won’t stop devouring my liver with his tiny, beyond razor-sharp fangs that rotate in a circle and cause me to bleed out of all of my orifices. But do I despise “The Chronic,” in all its materializations? No. I am not yet weak enough to hate. When I die, tell my wife and kids I just abandoned them. – Matty Fatty

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