Fear

February 7, 2009 at 3:45 pm | Posted in Jonny R Goode | 1 Comment
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1/12/09 Fear is what happens when you see a bug or a ghost. Eyes go wide, hands get sweaty, pupils dilate, and palms go wet. If you were a cat, in addition to liking milk, the fur on the back of your body would get scared. This is called a “Scaredy-Cat” and is the root of the word ‘scared,’ or ‘fear’. Humans also get scared. Jim Morrison, a door, suffered from Stage Fright, a special kind of Fear. There is no known cure, and eventually it killed him. Fear is like a thought, or thing, that makes you scared. There are many different varieties, or flavors, of fear. My favorite is snakes, although your mother dying is also a good one. By far the most popular fear is heights. This makes sense, because heights can cause death, and death is the most popular fear by far. Remember: when you’re staring down a steep, 1000 foot embankment, you’re staring down the barrel of a gun. Jonny R Goode

fear2UPDATE: 2/7/09. Sometime ago, I wrote a definition of Fear for this very blog.  Since then, I have come to know what FEAR truly is.  Oh, how I wish for the halcyon days when I thought Fear was merely seeing a snake or a severed hand.  If I could press a button or snap a finger and make everything go back to the way it was, I would, and with relish, but alas I cannot, and without relish.  For you see, dear Naïve readers, I have looked into the face of a metaphorical flaming skull, and had a conversation that went like this:  SKULL: Boo! / ME: AAAARRRGGGHH!! Except the ME in this scenario was, if anything, more scared than I’m letting on, and the metaphorical flaming skull was, in actuality, a little music video called THRILLER.  Jesus.  Even the name gives me the willies.  If you‘ve seen it, then you know what I’m talking about.  It’s really some very scary shit.  If you haven’t, then I BESEECH YOU, do not, DO NOT DEAR READER!  Stick with Halloween and Black Cats and The Addams Family Theme as your manifestations of Hell On Earth, and leave THRILLER to the Satan-Worshipping hordes who take joy in the wicked and the grotesque.  The video stars a singer called Michael Jackson, whose transformation(s), first into a snarling werewolf, and secondly into an Undead Zohmby, are so realistic, they will make your skin crawl.  I shall NEVER, if I live to be a thousand years, EVER get these images from my mind, so embedded are they upon my poor memory. In many ways, it’s even scarier then when I saw my younger brother stabbed to death by an intruder in our home.  But really, in a situation like that, you‘re too shocked and disconnected to feel true FEAR, per se.  Not like, oh God, not like Jackson’s yellow Cat’s Eyes! – Jonny R Goode

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  1. Why are you so funny?


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