Elevator

January 17, 2009 at 12:28 pm | Posted in Jonny R Goode | Leave a comment
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Elevators are little rooms that travel up and down. This is not to be
confused with your bedroom, which travels up and down when you’re drunk. No, elevators *actually* travel up and down, in a way not related to alcohol. Furthermore, it is not recommended to ever mix elevators and alcohol, as the contents of your stomach are liable to travel up and down your esophagus. If I may run with the metaphor, an elevator shaft is a bit like an esophagus for an elevator. In this scenario, the elevator becomes the contents of your stomach, either rising up the shaft/esophagus like that horrible shepherd’s pie from the other night, or falling again, like when you swallow the impending shepherd’s pie in a desperate last ditch effort to avoid spilling your elevator all over the floor. Elevators are great for getting you from one floor of a building to another, and not so great for getting you to the floor of another building. Some elevators only go up. These are called “disposable” or “one-use” elevators, and should be discarded immediately upon arriving at the top floor. These types of elevators are very popular amongst the suicidal population, who tend to discard themselves off the side of the building once they’ve politely and efficiently discarded the elevator. Such people are referred to as “disposable” or “one-use” people, and aside from the occasional sojourn in an elevator, their lives typically only go down. Jonny R Goode

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