January 16, 2009 at 3:01 pm | Posted in Jonny R Goode | 3 Comments

Yeast is an outrageous little creature that does the damnedest thing (more on that later.) Yeast is also the furthest a living organism can get from a human being. Go on: picture Abraham Lincoln in your head. He’s a great example of a human being. Now imagine the opposite of that. It’s easy: it’s yeast. We don’t really know what yeast looks like; perhaps it’s a gelatinous blob with a smiley face, or a small rhino. One thing’s for sure: it does something absolutely mindblowing (more on that later.) Some women get what’s called a “yeast infection,” and they have to drink lots of cranberry juice. I love cranberry juice. I wish I had a yeast infection. Ancient cultures, such as the Mayans, worshipped a Yeast god named Billows. Billows supposedly had the power to heal ancient sicknesses, such as a spear through one’s heart or a sacrificial head disconnection. Of course we know that’s poppycock. But yeast DOES have one extraordinary quality that sets it apart from all other creatures great and small (more on that later.)Jonny R Goode


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  1. Your ideas about yeast are dangerous and must be stopped. We know what yeast looks like and when we look at yeast, we look at the face of God. Yeast microbes were domesticated long before your precious Abraham Lincoln subdued the followers of the false god Billows in the Mayan-American War of 1869. In fact, if it wasn’t for yeast I wouldn’t be as drunk as I currently am from sweet, sweet beer. So next time you decide to go on spreading lies about yeast, remember that Jesus revealed himself by turning water into wine, in other words, causing fermentation, that is to say, becoming yeast and ipso facto yeast is the Holy Trinity and a revelation of the Divine.

  2. I took a baking class when I was a kid. Actually my mother put me in a summer school program cooking class. I was the only boy (except for some Tomboys who called me gay while they sat on the sidelines refusing to cook a friggin thing) and one day, well, we made bread. Not money…real bread like Wonder Bread, and Taystee Bread (well maybe not Taystee…their defunct now I think) Anyway, we used this brown powder made by a company called Brewers. I believe it was yeast…but it might have been curry (-‘

  3. actually yeast is just like us humans: an organism whose cells contain complex structures enclosed within membranes but smaller
    and you can not make bread from a person

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