January 13, 2009 at 4:58 pm | Posted in Matty Fatty | 5 Comments

Airplanes are a form of transportation that transport someone from one part of the globe to a far-off other. They’re a fast way to travel. But not the fastest. The fastest way to travel is, unfortunately, classified. But few would complain about the speed with which airplanes transport travelers, which is faster than bikes or horses or boats or trains or most cars. However, few (or more) would complain about almost every other aspect of airplane travel. That’s because airplane travel is a miserable, exhausting, uncomfortable and soul-deadening experience, with high volumes of delays, cancellations and other inconveniences you wouldn’t put up with with other forms of transportation. Ever get a good night’s sleep on a plane? Oh, I’m sorry, that was a trick question. No one has ever gotten a good night’s sleep on a plane. This one time I waited an hour after we landed at my destination’s airport to disembark, all because “no terminal was open.” All people involved in any form whatsoever of the airplane industry are jerks. But I digress. Airplanes were invented by Southern hayseeds, although the first form of human air travel was invented by the inventor Daedalus, who some will tell you was just a myth, and a Greek one at that. Pay no mind. He was real. The future will dump airplanes on the dustbin of history’s forms of mass transportation – along with the Kalamazoo, the Flinstones car and the inter-dimensional flying telephone booth – as soon as teleportation and mind travel, the latter which will be employed with the spice that grows on the desert planet Arrakis, become commonplace. Something to look forward to. Matty Fatty


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  1. The worms of Arrakis are not going to part with the spice easily until the Paul MaudDib makes an appearance and that won’t happen until many generations of bene gesserit foulness and tampering with blood lines and what not. Plus those pesky freman warrors that exist in vast numbers are gonna keep us on planes and space shuttles for the next couple of millenium. I put my money on Emmett brown and Marty McFly and their Delorean (-:

  2. i have got lodes of good night sleeps on planes suchas when i went to america i slept like a rock. i think you are totally wrong.

  3. hi me again i came to brag on about airplanes again they the coolest invention ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. Well, I have to disagree. I actaully have gotten a good night’s sleep on an airplane. I want to be an airline pilot, and honestly I think it is possible to get a good night’s sleep. Sorry, but I have to disagree with that statement.

  5. I also think that just because you had 1 I repeat 1 bad experience with an airline, that they are not all jerks. Don’t judge an entire industry just based on one bad experience.

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